The moment i woke up, i was dealt wif such an unexpected blow. i just could not believe that whatever happened had happened..i mean it is too sudden. too fast. im not even prepared. that news itself bombarded me with lots and lots of question..yea, im still so denial about this whole thing. There's thousand of thoughts racing through my mind right now. but i just cant seem to express it out.=x

anyway, the news reached us around 4 plus in the morning and i was practically forcing my eyes to stay wide open la. we were then told to get the place of the funeral ready before the body gets there. so yeah.. off i go to that place. but seriously i have little idea on how to prepare and stuff. so u can say that its a whole new experience for me. luckily theres cik maria who came to supervise us. so basically we clear out the room, cover up all those mirrors, shift the furniture here and there, folding of pandan leaves, knitting the folded leaves with the flower together, bentang tikar, etc. its obvious there's aloott of work to do but im not going to complain coz eventually everything went well..the body got buried just in time before the rain pours down. alhamdulillah..

thing is i feel so sorry for them. but im even more sorry for myself for not being able to actually be there during her last few moments. although there are times when she hurt me like no other, it doesnt matter a thing now. looking back, she've sacrificed lots of things when im still young.money cnt even repay her sacrifices. im just proud to have her as my relative. ='(

but Perhaps God knows what's best for us.