look whos talking.

yes, for the past few days, ever since i was being shouted by u in the public, my whole perception changed.

i no longer know what true friendship even means. like wait. is there even such a thing?

u meant the whole world to me. whatever happened between us, it impacted me in aloot of ways.

i cried. for almost every night..

i confided to my other unclose friends and they opened my eyes for me.

u can say im moving on. coz i had enough.. enough of being hurt umpteen times.

enough of trying so hard to retain everytink but ended up seeing everytink crumble to pieces..

and all these while, it has been me to build it up again. it was always me taking initiative. always me to start talking.. im not saying u did nothing at all. but when you did, it was rare. as in very very very rare. u need me to really really break down infront of u for you to initiate something.

so hw much longer do you want me to hurt myself?

we all know ure not the 'open' type of friend. so obviously ure not someone i can talked to esp about our friendship.

its hard. coz ull end up being angry/sad/hurt and ended up not even talking. u will choose to deny everytink. ahh. i know u know what i meant here..(do you?)

really, enough is enough. u know very well how much i put u before the other guy friends. i do msg them alot. but at least i wont hide anything from you. u know exactly who am i messagin to and even the content of that message. but what about u? i told u exactly whats happening. my deepest feelings. but are u doing the same?

i know u hide aloot from me. im not stupid as to not being able to sense that. come on. ive known u for so long. we went through alot. and fortunately and unexpectedly, i made it through . i made through all those difficult obstacles we faced which i thought i can never survive.. alhamdulillah.

so obviously i will know when ure not being urself. when ure hiding and stuff like that. i can just tell . but entah la kan. u just choose to say 'nothing.' and i find no point forcing u more. i pretended as tho i know nothing. and do u knw just how hurtful that is? do you?


now for all these days ive kept quiet, what do u tink i was hoping for..?.. i was hoping for you to take initiative without me asking u to.. and as far as i am concern the one who stay away from this friendship is you.. again, look at today. who is the one who initiate? me.. yes, me again. haiz. it wasnt because i needed you. i just tot u shud go since ure finally clean.

so let me ask u that same question to u. just where do i stand in your life?

and..

do u rmbr what i said earlier.. ?

"if this is the case u want it to be, fine.. ill let u have things ur way.".

and u just asked me to fuck off.

so am i supposed to f*** off now??

if thats ur final say, ill execute it out. even if it takes me weeks of crying.

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